It all hit me

I love my husband with all my heart but it all hit me this morning that he can be sooo selfish and self involved. One example I have might seem little but its a good example of what Im talking about. Ok so hes had a gym membership at Genesis for a long time, and I know he likes it, but in all reality he doesnt go as much as he used to. Now how does this effect me? Well, he has made comments on my weight for a long time, yet he wont put me on his membership, or better yet cancel his membership and get us a family one at the Y which would be much more utilized. For example me and Gabriel could get out of the house once a day and so I could work out and he could play at the nursery, they have pools or waterparks at some that are free with a membership, so I could take the kids swimming during the summer rather than pay $15-20 per visit to go to the waterpark in Derby, not to mention any classes or sports I enroll the kids in would be at a discounted price with a membership, and last but not least me and Alphonso could work out together sometimes, or I could work out with friends that already have a membership. I tell him this about once a month, hoping he will say you know what that does make since, ok...But, instead he says there are plenty of things you can do at home to lose weight but you dont do that, if you showed a little effort i would consider it. Whatever, Ive been dieting and working out at home but he still says the same thing. What he doesnt realize is its not just about a membership and weight loss for me its about also getting out of the house, that Im stuck in all day with Gabriel. He gets stir crazy too at home and I know hed love getting out and about even just to the gym. I just dont understand why he wont do this to make me, his wife, happy. Its not like he wouldnt have a gym membership at all, it would just be at the Y instead...Ive been to Genesis with him and weve been to the Y and the equipment is about the same. So I just dont understand...

Ok so another thing, I understand he works all day and makes all the money for the family, but is it really too much to ask for him to help me in the evenings...I mean I work all day too keeping house, taking care of Gabriel, I cook meals, I pay the bills, I go grocery shopping, I dont get to clock out once 5 o'clock (or in his case 3:30) comes around, I dont get to clock out until both kids are in bed at 9. I do realize in the summers it gets extremely hot at work, however in the winter, spring and fall its not that hot so you arent worn out from heat but he still comes home and wants to take a nap...Gabriel can reach the stove now so it would be great if he could take the kids out to play or down to the basement and play with them while Im cooking dinner, but does he Uh no, he lays on the couch and falls asleep so not only am I trying to cook dinner, but also trying to keep the kids out of the kitchen, Im trying to keep them from fighting and making sure they are being good in the rest of the house...I wouldnt mind him taking a nap after dinner, which he also does, so then I stuck dealing with the kids again by myself, but if he would just help out while im cooking dinner it would help out enormously...My dad and I know his dad too were very involved with their kids. They would work all day and then come home play with the kids, help bathe the kids things like that to take some of the pressure off of their wife, that is all im asking for is a little help when hes home.

I know I can bitch about this until im blue in the face and nothing is going to change, I just dont understand how a man who says he loves his wife and kids so much can be so damn selfish...

My struggle with Weight Loss

So, Ive always had issues with weightloss and it got worse with my two pregnancies. The summer of 2002 I was in the best shape of my life (which ended up being the first summer I was with my husband) I was an amazing 135. I was a size 5 and loved the way I looked...I fluctuated between 135 and 140 for the next year but I didnt mind, I was so happy with the way I looked. In the February of 2004 I got pregnant with Jasmine and at my 8 week appt I weighed 156 lbs, which wasnt horrible since I was usually about 150 in the past. Thru out the rest of the pregnancy I just kept gaining and gaining due to my weakness to pepperoni pizza. I wanted it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Although i stayed relitively healthy, i ballooned to 215 pounds, which is what I weighed when I delivered Jasmine, and then let the true battle begin. Over the next year or so I got down to 170, I wasnt thrilled but happy to be on the way down and then i didnt lose anymore and that really bummed me out and had me on the verge of depression and I started gaining again, I than fluctuated between 185 and 190 until mid 2008. By the end of 2009 I had started losing again, and then I found out I was pregnant with Gabriel, which I was thrilled and scared about at the same time. I was so scared I was going to start gaining lots of weight again...The fear actually helped me tho in the pregnancy I was more aware of what I was putting in my mouth and paying more attention to the pregnancy. Also, with already having a child I was more active. All in all I only gained 32 pounds. I was 195 at my 8 week appt and I was 227 at delivery. By my 6th week post partum appt I had lost all of the baby weight and I was back down to 195. Over the last almost 20 months Ive tried to lose the weight and it seems like nothing motivates me to do it...I watch what I eat for a couple weeks and than I just want real food again and I cave, I work out for a couple weeks and even tho I know the change wont happen right away but I get frustrated when it doesnt and give up...I have a class reunion Memorial Day weekend and I want nothing more than to walk in feeling amazing again...Maybe if I hold my self accountable and post on here my progress it will help...So I guess Ill try that...

Long Day?

Today could be a long day, Jasmine got sick last night after school and threw up for a couple hours, however she was better last night before she went to bed and slept all night. She is eating some dry cereal this morning and I hope that doesnt start it all back up, if it does UGH!!! At least last night I had Alphonso home with me to help watch the baby so I could take care of her. Having a sick kid is one of the worst things in the world, you feel so helpless and cant take the pain away. At least its cloudy and dark out today so she can rest good in her room.


On the healthier side of things tho Gabriel is cranky and has dumped his bowl of cereal a couple times, he made a huge mess. He was also up at 6 and got in bed with me so now i have a huge kink in my kneck, hopefully that goes away soon...Like I said it could be a long day...